sports. netball. avalanche. ausKISS
the usual usuals. bedtime stories.
my charlie's angels.
obk. aunty nanny.
adam brody. beckham.
pretty boys. funny geeks. & sexy bald men.
limegreen. lavender. orange.
black & white. retro.
fluent english. psychology.
my digi camera. pixels of my life.
i watched Tuesdays With Morrie for a total of 3 times & i'm sure i would want to watch it again the book is a good read & i really recommend it mitch albom is the author 5 people you meet in heaven is good too my mum read it after i did! hehe
but honestly, i've been crying for almost the whole of last week don't worry, i didn't cry for him. haha i watched Freedom Writers & cried every minute of it so touching! & of course i cried again during Tuesdays with Morrie & hoovey sent me links of Team Hoyt & Randy Pausch that made me cry again it's a good week of appreciating life
i was lucky he didn't feel like coming to sch last tue cos we were supposed to be on the same team i'm quite sure i was giving out the aura cos i was filled with hatred of him tat day & yes, i looked through him time & again but i would not like to do so anymore
Morrie recited this part of a poem by W. H. Auden All I have is a voice To undo the folded lie, The romantic lie in the brain Of the sensual man-in-the-street And the lie of Authority Whose buildings grope the sky: There is no such thing as the State And no one exists alone; Hunger allows no choice To the citizen or the police; We must love one another or die. i'm treating everyday as my last now i mentioned about dying a few entries back but like what morrie said, 'if you know how to die, you'll know how to live' i wanna live to my fullest to enjoy perfect moments with anyone, & everyone i no longer want to regret to forgive & hopefully forget to complete my circles to any incomplete relationships to move on and turn back to only the good memories
hence i wanna say i love you thank you for your guidance for the lessons i've learnt
i think i'm gonna die soon i dunno after the dream, or nightmare rather, that i got last thurs i was just freaked out dreams are not just dreams to me, more like premonitions which i need to unveal plus my heart rate was abnormally fast during training just now but i don't mind dying at an early age actually at least i won't make any more sins i just hope i have time to repent & resolve bad relationships as of now
somehow, it was a good day in sch today though alot of pouring out of my thoughts & emotions but it felt good for awhile so naz, jasmine, jessica & Jin, thank you for listening :)
& evie was really being nice for letting yaya know of her own suspicion of my fear of her well, not fear la ah let's just call it respect, plus a lil fear. haha & yes, i smiled quite a bit for trg, before making a mess on court again la but i shall just be simple & observe obk all the way for the match on saturday :)
i'm praying hard i won't be so unlucky as to be in his group tmr
staying 50m radius of him might be tough to fulfill so i blocked him on msn deleted his number from my phone although i had it screwed in my mind months ago & i did smth that might have cut the friendship or whatever that's left of it
but i'll fill that in when i'm free i'm at work now :
i think i should be banned from using MSN cos i keep looking at his nick then wonder who its for, wat it meant although he's under some other grp tat i usually dun chat to the ppl with
i'm trying to recover for goodness sake! i can't be of 50m radius of him
tomorrow will officially be the first day of class for me after the holidays. haha i've been home since 6pm & up from my nap 2 hours later to feed my empty stomach
i skipped my management class on monday to go over to johor to get my baju tailored yes, hari raya is 4 months away but the tailors are already busy & will be closing their intakes soon! i have like 4 baju kurungs tis yr cos i couldn make one in time for last yr we're gonna be so purple again tis yr
rayn & my nenek went over to johor with us too his mother didn't wanna leave him crying at the childcare so the maid got to travel out of the country too cos my eldest sis had to work but it was mainly me & my 2nd sis who took care of him and he finally knows my name now! thank god thankfully he wasn't being such a brat in fact, he was so cute at the immigrations we were talking about the about our passports & i asked who was the boy in the photo
rayn: tu rayn me: yeah, tats u rayn. when u were small rayn: rayn ootak
he meant to say botak. haha & he was singing to tis jiwang malay song my dad always plays on the karaoke, while waiting for my mum & the maid from the immigration counter he got the lines right for the first line & he went 'nana nana nanaNA...' aft that but the tune was right & i dun even noe the song well actually! so cute! but kids are so honest at 2 half years busuk, was what he said of the car when my uncle who stays in johor was driving us to the tailor aft we had lunch at my aunt's stall
i ended up being late for work cos of the jam but if i hadn listened to my mum & walked to the checkpoint myself, i could have been on time but no worries, cos there were 2 tainers on duty ON A MONDAY NIGHT?! weird scheduling, trust me all of us were wondering why
i spent 2 hours plus on the laptop in macs clarke quay to do my fyp yesterday my eyelids were rather heavy aft tat when i was working & man, back-to-back tours for 2 hours twice is no joke my mic broke down during my last tour so i had to shout instead. grr
& i gave my seat to a pregnant lady she was very thankful just before i alighted at city hall aft i shook her hands to congradulate her, i felt a warmth in my heart & a whole of emotions that nearly made me cry probably because i was also reading chasing daylights on the train, i remember the many people i know & missed so much shirley ang was one of the top few names
now, i'm just waiting for midnight to see my boy again channel 5 ya'all the one with the curly hair, a cute smile & a great sense of humour is mine! :)
ahhh! they back out on me again yesterday! this time round, my heart didn't break i was just so frustrated aft my last tour but thankfully i still have other frens out to club & tat of course meant that i didn't use my free tickets to zouk again
had only 6 hours to sleep cos i followed my sis to the national museum for the mozart:child prodigy exhibition meant for my nephews & niece (my cousins brought her 2 kids along too) i got a called from a private number & i couldn't recognise the name of the caller then i realised, my fren's bf gave my number to his fren whom i asked if he was chinese i had to cut the convo short for the visit at the museum
the exhibition was quite cool actually there were wigs, clothes and make-up to make us look like mozart or the ladies in his era they were meant for the kids to play around with but my sisters, cousin & i were the ones dressing up instead! we spent quite some time there till i was only left with about 2 hours to the wedding dinner of my avalanche senior, shirley
& honestly, i love weddings! initially i felt a little overdressed for the event but aft reaching the ballroom, i couldn really be bothered BUT! i did get a lot of my seniors talking bout my boobies well, not just my seniors, one of their bfs too. haha but kl has always been a good sport in anything so his jokes were bearable peili joked the most bout me saying that her table were discussing bout me but she said they've always noticed? hah
but it's obk la.. i'll smile at every glance across the next table to myself, rather than to anyone else cos i didn't dare look her in the eye not until we were outside the ballroom when she gave that look to tease me refreshing is all i can say
i remembered her reaction when the foul on her was not called in the match yesterday
u can see she was frustrated cos she walked away to fall back on defence instead
but she kept her cool
& that to me was brilliant
i just got back that part of me one who remembers to love others who has been there all along. heh
i can't tell what this is these thoughts that cross my mind everyday the first & last thing on my mind & prolongs even during the day it is wrong, it shouldn't be happening
that's what love is about, a friend said or is it? is the explanation that simple? that i love the boy & that's why i think about him all the time?
but how could that be, when the chills that i used to get when we were fooling around, is no longer present? when i've made it clear to myself that he is not the one i would end up spending the rest of my life with
but my heart skips a beat each time i read his name it sinks when i hear no news cos my thoughts will go far cos i know what he's like, esp when he goes back to her & every month, during the cycle, that is when i miss him most his physical presence, his touch basically that was what we were all about; physical but why does it affect my emotions too?
now, i think whether he's worth the effort my effort & precious time to make a gift out of scraps the things are all ready, but would he appreciate the gift & keep it? or would it be thrown away for fear of envy?
so disappointed. :( i swear my heart broke just now. i had to make so much effort to get my days off but it still comes to zero and sixty bucks gone wasted
‘Scars (Stronger for Life)’ by Corrinne May I just want to run Just want to hide away Close my eyes to your gaze Just want to leave Don’t want to hear them say “You’re no good at this”
When the world swirls with naysayers Broken wings and torn pages The road ahead Drowning in my tears
Break me open Tear me down Into pieces Broken crumbs On the ground You can mould and shape me In your image Breathe your life You know I need it Scars make us stronger for life
Losing myself Gaining it back again Forging strength from weakness All that I am All that I’m meant to be Melting in your hand
Let the world swirl with naysayers Pickled hearts and sour faces What is real is what I cannot see
Cut away All within me That won’t bear fruit Cut away All within me
FADZ, YOU'RE SO RIGHT! i've been trying to watch the home song stories for the longest time & i'm still a half hour away till the end of the show to think that i've been on the youku site since 7pm to watch it! hah
i shall just continue some other day then no JB for us tmr, lunch
& i do love young chuan chu jessica sara for being herself & sometimes, i love nigel too just sometimes. hahaha they're hilarious & a great company to be with :)
hoho! I'm so proud of myself! i was up at 0530 yesterday & decided to burn those fats away actually, i woke up cos i was msg-ing halfway the night before but still, i couldn go back to sleep so i ran for at least 30 mins around tampines! i actually ran till my granny's area cos i tot of dropping by but she was going to Batam! & my sister didn't switch on her phone so i couldn't go over her place either. i walked home in the end so i was 'working out' for like 2 hours in total. haha
seriously, it has proven to work due to the glycogen storage since the last meal i had the night before was actually arnd 5pm & i woke up at 5.30 the next morning, i was fasting for 12 hours so due to the glycogen depletion, fats would be the next energy that would be used by the body go read up here: http://www.dumbbell-exercise.com/cardio-training.htm
avalanche won our match against Bedok BB Reds which is made up of mainly ang mohs i played WD for the first quarter cos Janet came in only during the 2nd quarter but when they put me to play C in the last quarter, i was a mess like i dunno wtf i was doing, where i was running i got scolded on & off court but it was my fault so i deserved it & shall learn from it
xuan xuan has grown bigger now since she's coming to a year old in sept & she was wearing this cute 'i love daddy' top since it was my 2nd coach, Jeff's bdae they broke out singing the birthday song as he was scolding me actually. hah
RP 1 lost to extremes cos Naz wasn't around? her relative passed away tats y she couldn't make it for the game it would have been a good game to watch though & Jasmine gave away 4 tickets to Shane for free entry to ZOUK! i could have gone if i could find people to go with me!! but i missed it again, another clubbing night gone & i dun think Shane went either actually. haha. wasted abby & van asked me to go for HERSTORY coming thurs at zouk hopefully, it'll be fun! :)
& i brought haha, meishi, nab, vivien & xueli on the new hippo boats for the river cruise yesterday we decided to accompany vivien who was meeting her frens at PS only arnd 10.45pm after we had dinner at sakura, city hall we were being bitchy cos the host was persistant in making us dine there. haha anw, we couldn bowl at SRC cos it's open for members only so i suggested the river cruise too bad kexian didn't come down cos she wanted to do so too i joined fadz with her frens at tjg pgr aft tat but i slept at the table, didn't noe i was tat tired though. haha
& she said she started running, not walking, aft crawling
i only had a charter for 2 hours earlier this morning for Iman Kindergarten. the kids were so cute but the teachers were more fun cos they were answering all the questions i posted as a quiz while on the tour but there might be a maths genius among the kids just now Nadia fared way better than the teachers when i asked a maths questions, in fact, she was the only one who got the answer right i stayed to chat with naz after that & realised i had so much time to kill only melvyn & aiman was at the clarke quay counter so i reckon i'll just take the pics & video Jevin took of me, SJ & Tham since i'm going over to work tmr
i went down to CDC aft a bit of window-shopping to book my FTT 19th Aug, 6.45pm next step: call to arrange for my driving instructor i assume i might get my license by dec? hopefully..
i thought of going over to my granny's to visit but i couldn't call cos my batt was flat, as usual so i planned to clean up the house, go over to granny's & cycle/gym instead, i went home to sleep, eat dinner at 7 and went out with my family (rayn & his parents too) to eat again now it isnt a wonder why my fat percentage has increased
i'll run in an hour's time if only my partner isn't too busy with his gf
i've finally finished with the data collection for my fyp frigging 3 days straight of collecting datas of our 16 subjects on running it's like a normal school day to us & 'NORMAL' for me means 9am so i was late every morning too. hah imagine, 8 hours in the lab with our lunch as our break to see daylight before ending arnd 5pm it was quite a crazy routine but it's much more relaxed than the calculation that we have to do after this moreover, there's always najib, afiq & adzim to crack the whole team up with their jokes
but today's exceptional i've been very restless the whole day there's so many things coming up & i can't plan them properly
the management at my workplace cock up my work schedule,
i'm probably going to JB with some of my frens next week,
i've got matches that clashed with my work
i haven't settled my Final Theory Test (FTT)
i haven't sent the cloth to have my baju kurung tailored
i've got bills & debts trailing me
my room is still a mess after my return from batam
i have to get things done by tmr cos i've only got a charter to do for 2 hours
& i should be in a MOS now if my colleague hadn't change her birthday plans for ktv instead
or in Zouk with ben & sharon if there was someone to accompany me so i wouldn't be a lamppost
i was just so tempted to ask him but i guess i have to assume that i'm being avoided since my harmless msg has yet been replied since yesterday
oh, well..
i have to start cleaning up my room now so i can go for my run arnd 2300hrs
my BIA will motivate me to run more to prove him wrong! JIA YOU!
